Time for rest.

I’m sitting here in this glorious park watching beautiful blue herons glide by. And the Lotus are still blooming and the trees are aflame with the glorious reds, oranges and yellows, ah, fall color. The sun breaks through the weeping willow leaves and occasionally warms my face. I’m here to relax, to contemplate, to read, to write and to spent time in one of my favorite places -under trees-by water-in the wilderness.

A few weeks ago I was on a very small lake and it was a windy day. I wanted to remind all of you how energizing aspects of nature can be because I heard a sound we don’t here often and it is sound that calms and inspires me so completely.

The sound of trees. There’s nothing quite like being there in the middle of the forest when the wind travels through the trees. The quiet nature of the wild allows you to both hear and feel this low rumble. It is so clearly different from the rustle of the few trees in your yard. It surrounds you; it is comforting and also ominous. It reminds you of how big the world is and how much more you have to experience. Its primal nature makes me close my eyes point my face to the sun and smile.

Being at here today and out on the lake a few weeks ago makes me wonder why I don’t make this part of my life on a more regular basis. When I am here I realize how much I’ve missed it. The autumn draws me outside, I remember and I try to make this special time a more important part of my life and who I am. I invite you to do the same.

Find the place that inspires you. Find your retreat end point your face to the sun and smile. Taking time outside amongst the trees and the water can soothe you like nothing else. Find the time and rejuvenate your life.

Catching up

Catching up

A few weeks ago I had a week of life changing the experiences with clients. All came to their coaching sessions needing to speak of life altering changes that happen to them or loved ones around them. We spoke of coping skills and strengths and how to view change with a positive mindset. We spoke how to discuss change with others in a sensitive and eloquent nature. We spoke about small steps, about open hearts and minds, and of vulnerability, of fear and of bravery. All of them left their sessions with plans in place and more centered view on change.

I know the conversation will now turn to… how do I catch up?

Life change takes time. Births and deaths, sickness and health, breakups and new relationships, fear and anger, learning how to be brave, learning how to make space for life all require time. This is time we don’t put on our to-do lists, time we don’t have that in our schedules. This is time that is demanded of you in the moment and a necessity of life. You are not given the choice of when or where it will happen. You’re not giving the choice of how or why it will happen… it just happens. Sometimes it happens so abruptly that you have no choice but to devote all of who you are to the change.

And so the question is…how do I catch up?

And the answer is simple. You do not catch up. The idea of catching up is the sticking point. Life is not and will never be perfectly planned and so you have to change the way you look at these life changing situations. You cannot look at them as interruptions in your schedule or interruptions in your to do list you have to look at them as a reality of life. The positive way to approach these changes is by dealing with them in the best manner possible, spending the time necessary to do so and then moving on. Do not do well on what you’ve missed or what you haven’t completed.

Schedules, life lists, goal lists and to do lists are not set in stone. You have to be adaptable and ready for anything to happen at any time. Catching up in theory sounds fabulous but in reality is unrealistic. It is much better after an emotional or traumatic event to come back to your life with a fresh new attitude, to not think about what you missed, what you forgotten to you or how far behind you are instead think of how you can start again. Make a new list; make changes in your calendar, cross some things out and to move some things around.

A successful and happy life includes adaptability. You have to be able to adapt to the given moment in that moment without looking back with regret at what you’ve missed or left behind. Instead look forward to what you can complete now. It’s all about concentrating on now.

The next time you feel frustrated by a life event that has disrupted your original plan don’t dwell on it just make a new plan! When you have some time, sit quietly and reevaluate what you can realistically accomplish and move forward.

Support and Life Coaching

I found out today that my last name in the international dictionary means support timber. It is of Germanic origin and was used in reference to mining tunnels. The definition describes the main support timber that kept the mine from caving in.

At first I was slightly disappointed by the meaning, as we all want our last names to have some poetic significance but as I thought about it I decided it was perfect. As I think about the meaning, a support timber, I see this wonderful hand-hewn beam made of some beautiful German oak tree, very rich and golden. It really is the perfect name because in reality that’s exactly what a life coach is… a support timber.

As a life coach I am here to support you. I’m not a main part of your daily life however my existence helps you to stand stronger. I am that quiet partner that offers strength when necessary.

I ran across the meaning of my last name completely unintentionally but now am so glad that I have. I love the idea that the origins of my last name are so appropriate.

What is the lesson here? As you all know…there is always a life lesson in my blogs. It’s kind of like watching the Brady bunch, I may a ramble on for a bit but you know at the end there is always going to be a moral of the story.

The lesson is…don’t assume you know everything there is to know about yourself, there is always something new to learn.

I had no idea that Stull had a significant meaning in my life. Now that I do, I admit, it puts a smile on my face.

You will continue to learn fabulous new things about yourself on an almost daily basis. Keep your mind open and look for the little, seemingly insignificant facts because when you explore them further they may turn out to be important pieces of who you are and who you’re going to become.

Bravery in "Life Sized Moments"

While driving today I heard a newscast about the death of Paul Newman they had a short clip from one of his movies “Nobody’s Fool”. His character was a grandfather speaking to his grandson about bravery. I haven’t seen the movie and am not sure of the context of the clip, however in the movie Paul Newman’s character was trying to teach his grandson about how to stand up to bullies and the advice was perfect.

Learn to be brave a little at a time. He taught his grandson to be brave for just 1 minute, 1 minute goes by quickly and a puts less pressure on you. The next time you need to be brave you do it for 2 minutes, and then slowly you become braver during many parts of your life. What a great way to overcome fear, be brave for short controlled times.

I teach life sized tasks to my clients and workshop attendees and this is very similar. Instead of tackling fears or difficult moments with all the bravery you can muster you tackle fears in small life size moments. You aren’t just brave, you learn to be brave. There’s a huge difference between the two. When you’re just brave you are only brave in that moment, it does not become a piece of who you are it’s just a moment in time. When you learn to be brave you are adding bravery to your toolbox of life.

That’s a very important distinction. When you’re working on growth you want to have authentic experiences and not forced moments. Forced moments are easily forgotten, authentic experiences you draw upon time and time again.

Learning to be brave in life sized moments can apply to any attribute you’re trying to make part of your daily life. Learn to be patient. Learn to be more truthful. Learn to be more out spoken. All of these can be done in the same manner, in life sized authentic moments, each which add to who you are and help you become the person you want to be.

There is just something about this time year that inspires me. First, I must admit, I get the intense desire to go out and buy notebooks and pencils, book bags and lunch boxes. Remember those days, the excitement of going back to school? When I am not taking classes in the fall I feel the need to learn new things and study anyway.

Fall is about newness and energy for me. I want to learn! I want to create! I want to study! I want NEWNESS!

This fall I feel very fortunate, I have lots of new things going on in my life. I am waiting to find out about my certification status. My assessor told me on the sly that I passed, so technically I am just waiting for the official letter. That is very new and exciting for me! Soon I will be an official ICF certified coach. I decided to become a fulltime, formalized life coach just over a year ago and here I am, soon to be certified.

I am really energized by this and the fact that I can devote all of my time growing and nurturing my coaching practice.

Another new thing, I signed up for Coaches Console. What a great program, I can manage my practice smoothly and it gives my clients access to their schedules, to their notes, to group meetings and so much more. It is such a wonderful resource for them to get even more benefit from their coaching experience. I am really excited to offer it to them.

I am working on new logos, new websites, new blogs and new marketing material, so many new ways to promote my business.

I am learning new things about search engines and website design, about marketing on the internet and social media sites. I carry my books and notebooks around with me and I do sort of feel like I am back in school, but it’s a school of my own creation.

I have a new family member, THAT is VERY exciting!! The very first baby in my extended family in over 28 years. Obviously, we are all very pleased to welcome her into our lives. I am AUNTIE DEANNA! Woo Hoo!

The sun is starting to get that golden glow that I love so much during this time of year. The air is already crisp and leaves are starting to rustle just a bit. Take some time and add something new to your life, learn something, spend some time making plans for the rest of 2008. Even better, start thinking about what you will do during the first few winter months of 2009. Think back to when this time of year meant new classes, new friends, lot’s of excitement and figure out a way to bring that back into your life!

If you need a suggestion…Come to a workshop!
I am hosting another workshop this fall on Monday evenings at 6:45 in At Miracles Fitness Upper Township, NJ, starting on September 15. Fall into Life – Making Commitments to Yourself and Your Life-I have only three spaces left so call or email now if you are interested.
Click on the link to find out more. http://www.dancesunderstars.com/workshops.html

Today I am making a choice...

This week I had a coaching theme that seemed to really resonate with my clients. It was centered on the phrase:

“Today I am making a choice…”

Society is very much focused on instant gratification. The mentality of “I WANT IT ALL AND I WANT IT RIGHT NOW “ is celebrated, taught and championed by many. Often time’s major decisions and life choices are made from that belief system. Choices that make us feel good today, without much regard to long term consequences, are the norm.

I asked my clients to change their perspectives. To think differently in each choice they make, be it simple daily decisions or life changing events.

Rather than considering how it made them feel in the moment think about how it made them feel long term.

Where do they want to be 5, 10 even 20 years down the line? Does this choice support that vision or is it incongruent to that future ideal? What would the LONG TERM consequences of either doing or not doing the action; or making or not making the choice be? Does the choice resonate with values and life goals?

This idea came to mind as I thought about my grandmother and her recent death. She lost her battle to Alzheimer’s disease in January. In the final stages she had been admitted into a full care nursing facility. My father called and suggested my sister and I go see her, there was not much time left.

I like many others feel apprehensive about nursing homes and dread visiting them. I am overcome by the hopelessness when I walk through the door. As positive as I am, I am unable to see past the sense of impending death that overtakes me when I walk through those doors.

When I got to my grandmother room there was little left of her, I said my goodbyes and left, quickly. It was a very sad and stressful experience. Not just due to her condition or the nature of the facility, but also due to the choices that lead my grandmother to this home.

I went home and immediately chose to sooth my pain with food – I am a stress eater. When I am upset I comfort myself with food. So I ate my way through the pain of that experience.

Yet, through her illness, her death and her funeral as I nursed my wounds with chocolate and potato chips I felt an underlying sense of discomfort.

I thought of both of my grandmothers and how their lives ended in nursing homes, with pain and loss of dignity and I thought of myself, I do not want to end my life as they did. I did NOT want to give up my health, my dignity, my independence and my privacy. They both chose to disregard the ideas of healthy lifestyle choices; they chose to eat what they wanted regardless of consequence and had very sedentary lifestyles. Even in their former years, after doctors advised them to make changes, they did not.

However, I had a choice. My choice was simple – forego the instant gratification of eating to feel better! My choice is to live a healthier lifestyle.

My choice is to fully commit to exercising on a daily basis.My choice is to be a healthy person who does everything possible to have a life that ends with dignity and control.

If I did not think of long term consequences, it would be easy to justify a few weeks of an unhealthy living, even though that few weeks often turns into a habit and then, a life style.

Yes, everyone has set backs, that is the nature of challenge. However, if you approach each challenge with not only that day in mind but also future consequences it is clear to see that in the moment…YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

Each day…when I wake, I start my day by saying…

“Today I am making a choice…”

When I face a challenge, feel like eating junk food, feel like procrastinating, I think of that phrase and it reminds me of my end goals.

Think of this when you make your choices today in all that you do.

Do you really have to make that purchase right now? Are you not being truthful because you’re afraid of the responses and possibilities of people not liking you? How does that chocolate affect your long term plan? Will 5 minutes of your time to make a phone call to a friend really take so much away from your schedule? Is it a good idea to skip walking tonight because you feel tired and grumpy? Is that argument really worth the anger in the grand scheme of your life? Does not doing that task resonate with your goals? Is watching another episode of CSI going to get you any close to your goals?

Will this moment be important 5, 10 or 20 years down the line? Your choices have consequences, remembering that helps you to make the best of every situation.

Today…you have a choice!!

Overcoming fears - October 23, 2007

I am writing this from the White Mountains in New Hampshire. I wanted to tell you about my experience here as it pertains to you and fears. Talking to people about getting over fears is easy. Motivating you, telling you how to try and tackle them, its an easy thing to do, I am good at motivation...I do it well.

As does everyone, I have my fears as well. One of my greatest, a fear of heights. So, for my birthday, my gift to myself was to tackle that fear and use this moment to motivate my clients and speak of getting over fears from experience, not just from research and books.

Yesterday, I tackled my greatest fear. I did a hike that accended 3000 feet in 2.8 miles to the ridge, the very top, of part of the Presidential Mountain Range in N.H. Franconia Ridge one of the highest points on the east coast.

I hiked and climbed over two mountain ridges to the very last mountain, Mount Lafayette, another 1000 foot accent, to 5240 feet in the air.

It was the hardest, scariest, craziest, MOST AMAZING thing I have ever done. At that height I had a 365 degree view of mountains, mountains in Vermont, Canada, Maine and New York. It is by far one of the most gorgeous view I have seen in a long time.

The hike was only 8.9 miles but because of the difficulty and the constant scramble over granite rock it took eleven hours. When we first reached the ridge...after a grueling 2.8 mile climb...I stood at the top, on one of the only true alpine mountain tops on the east coast, looked around...and cried. I couldn't stop. I was crying...because I couldn't believe I had actually made it up there. I cried because the view I was looking at was breathtaking I couldn't help myself. Also I cried because I had tackled my biggest fear...and it had been so worth it.

The reward was so much greater than not trying and feeling safe. I am reminded that chances and risk taking, and being afraid but facing it head on gives you the biggest, most honestly earned rewards.

Being scared is incredibly human, everyone is scared of something. Tackling that fear...is astonishingly human. It shows the best of us, it makes us feel the way we always should, amazed to be alive, and even more amazed that we CAN DO the things we really want to do.

When I did this hike there where many times when I thought...I can't possibly take another step, I am so tired, I can't do this. BUT I DID...I pressed on and no matter how hard it was....I moved forward.

I had to take a lot of breaks, many people passed us on the trail while I was sitting down, breathing heavy and building the strength to go on. At one point a woman passed me and said,"Slow and Steady, and you'll finish the hike."

And that's it...the key to achieving anything, TAKE YOUR TIME, set your own pace, take as long as you need ...BUT KEEP MOVING FORWARD and.. you will FINISH. You will reach your summit and also be reminded that the long hard climb was so worth it.